Missing You
by The Original Horcrux
Summary: "No" I breathed. It was impossible, Fred couldn't die, he was always there. Laughing, joking, playing pranks, He just wasn't dead." George's thoughts after Fred's death. Please R


**AN: Written for a fanfiction contest with my friend. Just a friendly one, subject was post-battle. Hope you enjoy!  
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_**Missing You**_

An array of brilliant curses came into my head when I heard that Fred had died. But the one word that came out of my mouth was barely audible.

"No" I breathed. It was impossible, Fred couldn't die, he was always there. Laughing, joking, playing pranks, He just wasn't dead. I found myself laughing in Percy's face, tears of hilarity and sadness streaming down my cheeks as Percy looked at me in a weird, yet sad way.

"I'm sorry George" Percy said, his voice choking up with tears "he's gone" I let out a gasp and broke into a fresh wave of tears.

"You're lying!" I yelled, my voice breaking "He's not dead. YOU'RE LYING" I bellowed earning startled stares from passersby. Percy looked at me sadly with tears running down his face, he turned and walked into the great hall. I just stood in the entrance hall. I couldn't move. It was if someone had hit me with a non-verbal stunning spell while I wasn't looking. I slowly turned my head to look into the great hall, scanning the floor for a sight of a red headed body that was identical to mine. My eyes passed over Remus and Tonks and I felt a tear roll down my cheek and my throat constrict. I wish I could've closed my eyes and opened them again to find the sight about twelve feet to the left of Remus and Tonks, gone. There was my family crowded around a body. _It's probably someone in the order _I told myself firmly but then Charlie moved to the side to reveal a head covered in flaming red hair, my hair, Weasley hair. Before I knew it I was running. Leaping over bodies and pushing mourners out of the way. I reached my family in a matter of seconds, how I had, I didn't know, tears blurred my vision and made the scene before me swim. I pushed Ginny aside as she wept into Bill's chest. I let out a scream of anguish at the sight on the floor beside me before collapsing into tears. I fell to my knees at Fred's head as sobs shook my body.

"Fred" I whispered slowly through tears "I love you" I realised that I had never said those words aloud. I didn't mean them in a romantic way, like I did when I said them to Angelina, but in a brotherly way. I mean I'd told every one of my siblings that I loved them, well maybe not Percy, but Fred and I had never had to convey that message to each other in words before. We both knew the other thought it but we never needed to say it out loud. Mum was lying across Fred's chest as if to protect him from further harm. She too was shaking with sobs. I glanced up at my brother's faces, they were all tear stained and every single member of my family was crying All but Ron, who wasn't even there probably off saving the Wizarding world with Harry and Hermione. No sooner had these thoughts entered my mind, Ron, Harry and Hermione entered the hall. I saw them walk briskly towards us, It wasn't until they were two feet away did they realise who's body we were crowded around. Ron let out a soft moan and began to cry, Charlie hugged him close as tears fell down Hermione's cheeks. I was sure that I saw a tear roll down Harry's cheek before he turned and walked out of the hall. I sniffed as more tears cascaded down my cheeks. In that moment I felt a range of emotions.

Denial; Fred wasn't dead, he was just lying there on the ground, he would jump up at any moment ready to laugh and say "GOT YA!"

After denial came anger. Why would someone do this to Fred? Who could do this to Fred? Who would rip a family apart like they had just done? I wanted to kill the death eater that had killed my twin brother, who had ripped my heart in two and taken the second piece with him.

Then came bargaining, I found myself asking God to bring him back _Please _I begged silently. _Please let him come back whole, please don't let him be gone, please I need him. _But somehow I knew all along that these words, no matter how much I begged, no matter how much I prayed were not going to bring him back. I seemed to skip over the depression phase and straight to acceptance. He was dead, there was nothing I could do to bring him back I wasn't going to do myself any good by moping. I still cried over his body, I still could not believe he was gone, but somehow, I had accepted it, or accepted that I needed to accept it rather. Just that thought _Fred was gone and there was nothing I could do_ made me want to curl up in my sock draw and sleep for days, weeks, months, years if I could get away with it. The look on Fred's face was happiness, pure bliss, he had been laughing when he died. And in that moment, I knew that he had gone to a better place, away from the fighting and war, somewhere where there are pranks to be played and fireworks to be set off, even among the dead. I had no idea how I knew, I just knew. I just wished I could be there with him.

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I knew the depression phase hadn't left me forever. In the days that followed the battle I was a complete wreck. I didn't talk to anyone, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't do anything. I just sat in mine and Fred's room moping, crying and more moping. Unfortunately I couldn't fit in my sock draw as it was full of socks and would've been quite uncomfortable to sleep in otherwise. But the rest of the family left me alone. Judging from what I could hear from Ginny's room across the hall, Mum was gradually getting better, giving everyone lots of work to do to take their mind of Fred. I was glad she had left me alone. I wanted to be alone, to remember my twin brother in peace. I didn't even have the heart to go back to the joke shop, too many memories. It had been minutes after I'd finally drawn myself from Fred's side when I'd had to produce a patronus to fend off dementors attacking the castle. I couldn't do It, my patronus wouldn't come. I tried to think of happy stuff as I curled up in a ball on the ground but found that I couldn't. All my happy memories were with Fred and thinking of him made me miserable. After the battle I had spiralled into a deep depression going through the five stages of grief all over again, the room was still a mess after the anger stage. I was too miserable to clean it up. But this time when the bargaining stage was over I didn't skip depression and go straight to acceptance, I stopped at depression. Anyone who saw me would agree that I was depressed. I had caught sight of myself in the mirror the previous night and what I saw definitely wasn't me. My cheeks were hollowed and my eyes sunken. The bags under my eyes were a deep purple and reached just below my cheekbone. It looked like I'd gotten on the wrong side of one of our punching telescopes. I was scarily skinny and it looked like I'd blow away at the slightest gust of wind. From then I'd sat firmly on my bed in the corner. My knees pulled up to my chest. Staring at Fred's empty bed, an array of meals lay by the door where Mum had put them, untouched except for where the rat's had nibbled around the edges. I knew today I would have to come out of my room. Today I would have to talk to people, Today was Fred's funeral. It wouldn't be anything big, just us in the gnome field. I could see the mound of dirt behind a deep hole where Fred would be laid to rest.

"George?" There was a soft tapping on the door. I tried to distinguish who it was, but my hearing was completely stuffed up. "George?" the voice said again. It was Ginny. I ignored her. I would come down when I was good and ready. Before I knew it, the door was blasted open and Ginny stormed in. "Geor-" she broke off at the sight of me. Her eyes widened in shock as my sad eyes looked out of their sockets at her. She turned and ran from the room, shutting the door behind her. If anything, this made me more depressed, did I really look that bad? Minutes later Mum came barging in.

"Georgie" she said softly, completely unperturbed at the sight of me "Georgie we're ready, are you coming" I nodded as mum studied me "you're a stick, come and eat something"

I shook my head. "George have you slept?" I shook my head again. "After the funeral you're going to go to sleep alright? Then you're going to have a meal" Again I shook my head. The truth was, I was putting myself through what Fred was going through. If Fred couldn't eat, I wouldn't eat. If Fred couldn't sleep, I wouldn't sleep, If Fred couldn't talk, I wouldn't talk. We'd done everything together, been inseparable all of our lives, I wasn't going to stop doing everything he did just because he wasn't here. "George." Mum said, putting her hands on her hips "I've already lost one son, I don't want to lose another. Because if you don't eat that's the way you're going." Before I knew what was happening I was in tears. The mention of Fred's death had triggered something inside of me, something that made me jerk back to reality. Mum wrapped me up in a hug, I thought she was shaking from my tears but when I looked sideways I saw that she was crying too. We sat there for a while, comforting each other. That was until Ginny came back up

"Mum, Dad says that we need to start" she said softly. Mum pulled out of the hug and dried her eyes on her sleeves.

"Alright, tell him we'll be there in a minute" Mum replied and Ginny nodded and went back downstairs. Mum held out her hand to me as she did when Fred and I were little I took it and we walked downstairs together, hand in hand.

"George, will you lay him to rest?" Dad asked gesturing to a body wrapped up in a white cloth. It was cruel what dad was asking me to do but I agreed. Deep down, I knew that Fred would want to be laid to rest by me, over anyone else. With a grunt I picked him up and we made our way across the gnome field where the previously dug hole was. When we were all there I lowered Fred into the box that lay at the bottom of the hole and closed the lid. The flood gates opened and enough tears to fill a pool cascaded down my cheeks and onto the coffin lid. I wasn't crying silently now I yelled in anguish as the tears fell thick and fast.

"No" I yelled to the sky, "NO!" a few startled birds fluttered out of a tree nearby, I felt a hand on my shoulder as I sobbed, grabbing my hair and threatening to rip it out by the roots. "Fred, No" I screamed. It was worse than when I'd found out that he'd died. Somehow laying him to rest was more painful. The hand on my shoulder was joined by another and another. Soon everyone who was present had their hands on my shoulder or back. It could've been days before my cries and yells subsided into sobs and months after that before the sobs subsided and I sat in the dirt hiccoughing. I took Bill's outstretched arm as he helped me to my feet. Everyone else had been crying too. Dad waved his wand and the mound of earth beside the grave rose up into the air and fell with a thud on the grave. I let out another anguished yell. Never did I imagine at nineteen I would be burying my twin brother. I never imagined that I would suffer this pain. Mum was crying too, as were all of my brothers. Dad and Harry seemed to have mastered the tears but I could see their floodgates being dangerously pressured. No one said anything, nothing needed to be said and one by one they made their way back to the house, After an hour and a half I was the only remaining person out there. I sat down next to the grave and began to talk. Tears fell into my mouth, but If there was anyone I could feel comfortable confessing how depressed I was to, It was the person I had just lost. I talked to him for hours and hours on end. It was dark when I finally pulled myself up and walked into the house. My jeans were dirty where I had knelt on the ground and I hoped Mum wouldn't fuss. As I entered the living room I saw a bottle of firewhisky perched on the sill. I was of age and mum surely wouldn't mind if I took a sip, I'd heard that It numbed pain, Physical or Mental. I took a swig and it burned the back of my throat. I took another before putting the bottle down. I was not going to get drunk. Though what I'd heard was correct. It numbed pain. Though deep down I knew that it was alright. Fred had gone to a better place, My brother, my best friend, my inseparable companion, laid to rest, gone from this world. No tears left my eyes at this thought and I knew I had reached acceptance.

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**AN; Okay I hope you didn't cry reading it as much as I cried writing it. I'm hopeless when it comes to tragedy! Leave a review so I know you read or that you liked or if you're hopeless when it comes to tragedy.**


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